Monthly Archives: October 2013

What Do I Do Now?

Three short weeks ago I started a new job as an administrative assistant at a non-profit for disabilities.  It was a lot better than my previous job as cashier at a grocery store but for some reason, I still wasn’t happy with it.  I felt overwhelmed, under-qualified, out-of-place.  It didn’t feel like home.  It didn’t feel like I was meant to be there.  Everyday I was fearful of doing something wrong and getting fired.  I felt like I was walking on a floor that would give way at any moment.  I couldn’t get comfortable there.  Today, my boss took me into her office and told me that she was going to let me go.  She said I was very intelligent, but it simply wasn’t working out.  She believed I wasn’t happy at the job and she needed someone who would be, plus the executive director stated that the job would be changing and they needed someone more qualified than me.  I had no chance.  So here I am, a woman with autism, no job, no idea what to do next.  It hasn’t really hit me how far down shit creek I am because I haven’t even gotten my first paycheck.  I have already applied for unemployment.  I think because of my recent diagnosis with autism, I will qualify for disability, so I’m going to apply for that too.  I am at a loss at what to do next.  I have been applying for jobs everywhere today because I NEED SOMETHING.  Unemployment is only going to get me $175 a week and that is not enough to pay rent and cable and car insurance.  I’d sell some of my stuff, but I don’t have anything of value to sell (except my computer, but I need that for school, and my car but I need that too).
Anyway, that is where I am at now.  I believe things will work out for the best. They have to.  I also believe this happened for a reason, but I don’t know what the reason is quite yet.

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The Thing Is…

Here’s one thing about me that most people know because you will find my computer basically attached to my hands, I am addicted to the Internet.  I remember growing up without the Internet and when I was I don’t know maybe 11 years old, my parents got AOL.  I spent a lot of time on the computer, I found friends from the Internet.  The Internet became everything to me.  Lately, I have been following Raffi on Twitter (yes the singer) and he is a proponent for children to not be addicted to technology.  I am started to see his point of view and I realize that it is a scary world we live in with the Internet.  When I have children, I established long ago that they will NOT have a cell phone until they are 16 years old.  There is absolutely no need for an 8 year old to have a cell phone.  When they get this cell phone, they will be on a pay-as-you-go plan to teach them responsibility and they will be the ones buying these or earning them.  To the point, when I have kids, I don’t want them to be like me.  I want them to step away from technology, think without it, use their brains, their creativity.  I am a creative person and I used to be even more creative.  I would create art from magazine clippings, I’d write long stories about my future in notebooks (I still write, but do this on a computer now).  I feel like my creativity has been dampened because of my use of technology.  I feel like I rely too heavily on it.  I do not have a smart phone.  I don’t know if I want one either.  I don’t need another reason to be disconnected from reality.  I need to step away from the computer, step away from Facebook and Twitter, step away from the Internet and reexamine my priorities in life.  My creativity is my life.   I want to be a writer when I grow up, but I am killing my dream by spending so much time online.  I want to see my future children better off than me and the only way is less technology.