I’ve always thought that I would some day become a mother. I’ve never been particularly fond of children, but I claimed that I would like my own children. Lately, I’ve been thinking about the reasons why I want or think I want children. I feel like if I don’t have children, I won’t have contributed to society in any way. I don’t feel accomplished at all right now and I don’t know if I ever will. I am afraid if I don’t have children, I’ll be lonely for the rest of my life. I look at people without children and I just assume they aren’t happy because they didn’t have children. I think that not having children is just not living a full life. I realize this isn’t true at all, but I can’t help but feel it. Honestly, it feels like the only reason I want children is to name them, because I adore names. That isn’t a good enough reason though. I can name pets just as well as I can name children, but cats don’t grow up and become president or something equally amazing…they are just cats. Because of my having autism, I don’t handle noise very well. Kids screaming causes me a great deal of stress and I imagine I would not handle that very well if I have kids. I am so torn on this topic. I don’t want to be the childless aunt, I want to feel like my life is fulfilled. I don’t know if that means I should have kids or I should focus on myself and not have kids. I simply don’t know.
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