I haven’t given a good update in almost two months. I did post my two latest flash fiction pieces, but nothing about my life.
Beginning in early May, I started seeing a therapist with the Autism Society of Minnesota. I’ve been seeing her every week and she’s been helping me become more engaged in life and present in the world. I like talking to her because I think she’s helping me.
Also in May, I filled out the paperwork necessary for bariatric surgery and was going to go to the first appointments, but I couldn’t get up for them and plus I had decided that I wasn’t really wanting the surgery right now. The reason being that I am seeking help at the Emily Program for an eating disorder. I’ve been seeing a therapist there weekly, in addition to the autism therapist, then I see a dietitian once a week and soon I will be starting group therapies probably two or three times a week.
I have all this free time because in May I quit my job. My anxiety always got really bad when I went there and I just couldn’t handle it anymore. Even with the lorazepam that my doctor prescribed, couldn’t curb that fear I had going on.
Needless to say, my lease was up at the end of June and because I had no job, I had no money and therefore no place to move. I ended up moving back in with my parents, hopefully temporarily. I minimized my stuff too when I moved because I felt that I had way too much stuff and it was stressing me out. My cat is not taking the move very well. She refuses to leave my bedroom, so I keep her locked up so my parents’ two cats and the dog don’t bother her. I feel bad that she is stuck in this tiny room, but if she isn’t going to deal with the other animals, that is her only choice.
My therapist at the Emily Program was talking to me about my autism yesterday. I told her that I don’t participate in class discussions because I am uncertain when to jump in and contribute because I don’t know when someone is done talking and when another person is starting. She said that most people do not have that problem and that that can definitely be attributed to my autism. I didn’t really know that honestly. I thought everyone did that. She suggested that I talk with my professors and tell them about my issues.
My autism therapist also suggested that I am afraid of commitment because I don’t give direct answers as a way to possibly get out of doing things. I also told her an analogy that applies to my life. I said, “when everyone is playing soccer, I am on the sidelines waiting for someone to ask me to play.” We talked about how this is related to my not engaging in life like I should.
Because of my unemployment I have had a lot of free time in between classes. I have been writing almost every night, granted it is fanfiction, but at least it is still writing. I am always much more happy when I am writing. It is one of the few things that gives me pleasure.
well I think that is a sufficient update, so I will go write some more.