Life is weird

I have a bunch of stuff going on right now and a lot of things to worry about.  I’m still waiting to hear about that job I interviewed for on Wednesday.  I sent a thank you letter and all that too.  I am just worried that I won’t get it and I’ll have to start over again waiting for an interview.  My mom keeps trying to get me to apply at Target, but I really don’t want to work there.  I don’t want to deal with customers.  I worked for 5 years in customer service and I was miserable.  I don’t want to go back to that.  The thought of working with people again in the fast paced environment of a store sets me on edge and makes me anxious.  I took a freaking lorazepam the other day for the first time in over a month because I’ve just felt really overwhelmed.

Today, I had class and because I ran out of gas, I had to borrow my parents’ Jeep to go.  I got home and found out both my parents were angry at me because they feel like I’m taking them for granted.  I didn’t intend for that to happen, I wanted the opposite.  My dad lectured me for a good twenty minutes or so telling me how he wants more from me and to see me get on with my life.  I want that too, but something is holding me back.  I think it’s fear.  Fear of something…living, success, failure, life maybe.

So I have been going off of my Tourette’s medication the last two weeks now.  I am down to 2mg (originally 4mg) and my tics are now very present.  Haldol has been the only medication that I have tried that seemed to control my tics.  I’m scared and worried that I won’t find a safer drug that can do the same thing.  I don’t want to be ticcing all the time.  Sometimes I don’t realize I’m doing it, but most of the time I know I am ticcing and I can’t stop it and I drive myself crazy.  For the most part I do only have a mild case of Tourette’s, but the low pitch humming I do all the time really annoys me.  I can handle the excessive blinking.

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5 responses to “Life is weird

  1. Hi, did you get the job you wanted? I don’t blame you for not wanting to work at Target. It seems like you have a close relationship with your Mom, and that is a very good thing. Support is one of the most important things in life.

  2. I’m just wondering why you’ve never responded to anything I’ve said.

  3. I’ve commented on several of your posts, and I see you are still active, so of course I’m going to wonder.

  4. Yeah. I just figured when people post things about themselves and others respond, they would comment back. I’m new to all this; what do I know.

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