These Walls

Most people know I adore the show “Castle.” My favorite character being Kate Beckett.  I’ve come to the realization as of late that I am a lot like her in some ways.  I’m not one who dates and never have been.  I fear the intimacy that comes with being in a relationship and part of me feels like I will never be ready for dating.  I have walls, that years of loneliness, fear, disappointment, and lack of confidence has built around my heart.  Like Kate Beckett, I don’t let people in very easily.  I am a very open person, I don’t hide who I am, but I only share the trivial things about myself.  I don’t always share my fears or who I truly am.  I push people away by showing them the worst of me in hopes that I will scare them away and I will know exactly the type of person they are.  I have never met my Richard Castle; someone willing to break down my walls, see past my flaws, accept me for who I am, and know when I am pushing them away and stop it.  I guess I am just waiting for my Rick.  I’m waiting for someone to love me in spite of everything.

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