Things I’ve Been Thinking About

I am currently at 1mg of Haldol, down from 4mg.  My tics are getting worse and they annoy me sometimes, but sometimes I think that I just don’t want to go back on an anti-tic medication.  It would be one less medication, less drugs in my system and there wouldn’t be a risk of weight gain.  I also am not sure I could live without a medication because the vocal tic is quite annoying.  My mom claims that she can hear me ticcing upstairs when I am in the basement.  I’m not that loud…

I was talking over dinner with my family and it was brought to my attention that certain people I consider friends, aren’t very good friends because they always try and act like my Tourette’s and autism aren’t real issues.  I have one friend who is always saying something of hers is a tic, when she knows it isn’t.  It seems like she is trying to downplay or even make fun of something that I am suffering from.  The same goes for my autism.  I do talk about it quite a bit, but I’ve stopped talking about it around them because they seem to think that me having autism isn’t a real issue.  Sure I only found out about having autism less than a year ago, but I had been suffering from the symptoms many years before that.  Not acknowledging that my autism is a real thing and something that I struggle with daily, isn’t helping me. I recently posted on my Facebook about how there is something with autism that causes some people with it to have trouble filtering out outside noise.  My friends say that I am deaf and that is the reason, but I can hear just fine, in fact I am very sensitive to sound, it’s just that I have trouble deciphering someone speaking from background noise.  I always thought I just couldn’t hear, but I realized it wasn’t that at all.  Nobody can tell me how I am supposed to feel or  how I should react to things like anxiety, because they are not me, they do not know what it is like to live with Tourette’s or autism.  I wish they would stop assuming things about me.

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2 responses to “Things I’ve Been Thinking About

  1. My nephew has autism. While he hasn’t been officially diagnosed with an auditory processing disorder specifically, we all carry around headphones for him when sounds get to be too overwhelming for him. He also can’t have background noise on at any time. He does officially have sensory processing disorder which manifests itself in a host of ways- mostly food-related at present, but also things like tags on the backs of his shirts- so bothersome he cannot focus on anything else.

    So, while I personally haven’t experienced what you’re going through, know that I understand a little bit about the struggle (though I choose not to post about his personal life on Facebook for our family’s privacy). 🙂

    • I had no idea about your nephew. I hope he is able to cope with the symptoms as he grows.
      I remember being 15 and having a meltdown at the Women’s Expo because I was overstimulated with the noise, lights and crowds. I basically was shouting at my mom and making a scene which is not something I would have ever done if I could help it. I’m better with crowds now, thankfully.

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