Monthly Archives: November 2014

IOP Update

My last day at the IOP program I have been going to is December 8th.  I feel really good about having done this program.  I feel better about life because I have a reason to get up in the morning and I have actually been going everyday.  One of the reasons I never could hold down a job was because I never actually went.  I believe the reason I did that was because I told myself I was unreliable and I believed that I could not change that.  I believed that that was who I had become and I couldn’t do anything about it.  This group has taught me that I can be reliable and I have it in me to do what is expected of me.  I feel a little more confident in myself.  As much as I want to get back to the super driven person I was in high school, I just have to accept that I can’t do that at the moment.  I might someday get there, but I can’t expect myself to jump right back into that life.

I have been doing pretty well about not isolating myself in my bedroom lately either.  When I get home from group I will go in the living room and read or go online for awhile.  Before I would just spend the entire day in my bedroom and wouldn’t see anyone.  I did isolate myself today because I just wasn’t feeling like being in the living room this afternoon, so I spent time with Willie in my room, which she was happy about.

I’ve noticed that I have been having memory or recall issues lately.  I don’t know if it is my meds or something else though.  It feels like if my brain is a maze and the destination for what I want to know is just right there, my brain takes the super long route around and through the maze to get to the answer when it was just a few simple steps ahead.

I have been working with a nonprofit here that helps people with autism find jobs, so I am hoping I will have a job pretty soon.


I didn’t know why

Being the freakishly obsessed Castle fangirl that I am, I was waiting and waiting in intense anticipation for yesterday’s episode.  Yesterday my OTP (Castle and Beckett) got freaking married!  I watched it on my computer before it actually aired because I didn’t think I was going to be able to stay awake until 9PM yesterday.  When it was nearing the end of the episode I was dreading it.  I was completely convinced that the entire thing was a lie and that the writers were fucking with us and that they didn’t actually get married and had in fact died or something.  I was catastrophizing everything about the episode.  They did actually get married though.  I felt so utterly hollow though at the end when I should have been squeeing and flailing around like a typical fangirl.  I remember actually feeling this same exact way when Booth and Brennan got together in Bones.  I don’t understand!

Day treatment has been going well.  I even went yesterday despite getting a ton of snow and the roads being wretched.  I ended  up not going today because I was expecting the same thing, but it turns out the roads weren’t that bad.  I have only missed 2 days so far which is phenomenal for me.  I just hope because I missed today that I don’t find out my favorite person in group had graduated today.  I want to say goodbye to her.