My last day at the IOP program I have been going to is December 8th. I feel really good about having done this program. I feel better about life because I have a reason to get up in the morning and I have actually been going everyday. One of the reasons I never could hold down a job was because I never actually went. I believe the reason I did that was because I told myself I was unreliable and I believed that I could not change that. I believed that that was who I had become and I couldn’t do anything about it. This group has taught me that I can be reliable and I have it in me to do what is expected of me. I feel a little more confident in myself. As much as I want to get back to the super driven person I was in high school, I just have to accept that I can’t do that at the moment. I might someday get there, but I can’t expect myself to jump right back into that life.
I have been doing pretty well about not isolating myself in my bedroom lately either. When I get home from group I will go in the living room and read or go online for awhile. Before I would just spend the entire day in my bedroom and wouldn’t see anyone. I did isolate myself today because I just wasn’t feeling like being in the living room this afternoon, so I spent time with Willie in my room, which she was happy about.
I’ve noticed that I have been having memory or recall issues lately. I don’t know if it is my meds or something else though. It feels like if my brain is a maze and the destination for what I want to know is just right there, my brain takes the super long route around and through the maze to get to the answer when it was just a few simple steps ahead.
I have been working with a nonprofit here that helps people with autism find jobs, so I am hoping I will have a job pretty soon.