Monthly Archives: June 2015

Revenge

I’ve been so proud of myself the last week or so because of how I’ve been feeling better and getting out there, then I come home after house sitting for my sister and I’m greeted with contempt and dismay.  My mom enjoyed that I wasn’t home the entire week so much that she keeps telling me at every possible moment how I need to move out.  I’ve spent the last 11 years fighting depression and just when I start feeling great again, my mom makes it her personal mission to make my life a living hell.  I want revenge and it’s stupid.  I want my mom to hurt how much she has hurt me, but I know that I can’t do that on a personal level.  I don’t have it in me to seek revenge on someone like my mom.

I’ve been working hard to fight the depression and it just really, really hurts that no only am I not wanted in this house, no one seems to acknowledge that I have been doing better.  I don’t need praise or compliments or anything, I just want someone to recognize that I am trying and I am doing better.  I want them to just lay off the torment.

Living without Fear

I am a fearful person and I wish I wasn’t.  I want to do so much with my life, but my fears keep me back.  The ironic thing is that I fear doing things but one of my greatest fears is not doing what is important to me.

My birthday is tomorrow (June 4th) and I will be turning 29.  As a teenager when I imagined how my life would be now, I thought I would be in a completely different place.  I am not exactly happy with where I am, but I am going to change that.  My plan is to spend the next year until I turn 30, doing things that scare the crap out of me.  I want to go outside my comfort zone and be the person who isn’t afraid to live.  I want to be whom I’ve always meant to be.  I’ve started a list of things that I want to accomplish this year that I find scary.  Some of them are as simple as saying “hi” to a stranger and some are as difficult as standing up for myself or admitting my wrongs.  I want to do this and I am going to.  Here is a complete list of things I am going to do:

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