Regrets of a Former Self

I was watching some home videos tonight that I put on my computer.  The particular one I was watching was from June-July of 1995.  Some of the things that were filmed included my 9th birthday, a trip to Itasca where a tornado went through our campground, my brother’s 2nd birthday and various everyday things.  The video of my birthday though, upsets me a bit.  I open one of the gifts from my parents and it is a Barbie of some kind, then I set it on table, where my sister starts to look at it.  I then snatch the doll from her.  In so many of the scenes with my sister, I am just mean to her and I can see blatant jealousy on my face.  I hate that I can’t watch these videos without seeing how conceited I was and how I acted like I had to compete with my sister.  The sad thing is that I didn’t really get over the jealousy thing until a few years ago.  It still pops up every once in awhile, but for the most part, I am able to tamp it down.  It bothers me that I had this mean streak in me as a kid.

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