I went to my primary doctor last Monday and was put on Metformin and Spironolactone. Metformin is for my PCOS and Spironolactone is for blood pressure and also will help with the symptoms of PCOS, like acne and unwanted body hair. I read through some of the side effects of the two meds and found that one of them can make antidepressants less effective. Lately, I have been feeling out of control again. I haven’t been going to all of my appointments all the time and I’ve been missing things that I need to show up for. I don’t know if this is a result of the antidepressants not working or I really am losing control of things in my life. It just seems so hard to get out of bed these days. I slept on and off from 9pm yesterday to 5pm today. It is has become ridiculous.
I came to the conclusion yesterday morning that I have become a little addicted to social media. I figured out that in the last two months I have tweeted 378 times. Yesterday, I tweeted 11 times. It really seems to be again, out of control. I decided to prevent myself from accessing Facebook and Twitter as easily as I have, so I took the apps off my phone, set up stricter blocks on Chrome and logged out of both sites so I actually have to log in if I want to go on it. So far, I haven’t been on either site since 11:30 am yesterday. I still allow myself to go on Fanfiction.net because I really don’t want to limit myself there, but maybe someday I’ll start controlling that site too. It’s hard to stop constantly checking those sites, but I find it nice that I haven’t been getting alerts on my phone about every message I receive.
I want to feel better about everything, but once something good happens to me, it feels like more bad things happen.
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Tagged asd, Asperger, Asperger syndrome, asperger's, asperger's syndrome, Autism, Autism spectrum, autism spectrum disorder, autistic disorder, depression, Facebook, failure, fanfiction, happiness, Health, High-functioning autism, internet, Metformin, Mobile phone, obsession, obsessions, pcos, Polycystic ovary syndrome, sad, sadness, self sabotage, smart phone, technology, technology addiction, Twitter
I feel overwhelmed with feelings right now for a bunch of different reasons. The main feeling though is sadness and depression. I feel the need to cry but no matter how much I try to the tears just don’t come. I can’t seem to cry and I want to because usually I feel better once I get it out.
The main reason I feel sad is because I watched the Castle season finale last night and while I thought it was going to be a lighthearted episode, the ending ripped me to shreds and I feel sad about it. It’s a stupid thing to feel sad about but I am totally in love with this show. It is my current fixation and I just feel very upset about what happens to the characters.
Another reason I feel bad is because I have been very anxious today because I ended up not going to work again, which has been a problem for me. I feel stupid for letting my anxiety take hold of me and get me to skip out on work, when I know I should go, but I continue to do it. My mom sent me a link to an article about a study that was done on depressed people and they found that people with depression are more likely to have self-sabotaging behaviors and this is so very much me. I self-sabotage all the time, like I am doing with work. I don’t know how to change it though. I wish I could because I’m tired of feeling like I am inadequate in life.
I have to go to my first summer class tonight and I really do not want to because I’d rather be at home reading fanfiction, which is something that has taken on a life of its own. I feel obsessed with reading it all the time and I can’t seem to get away from it. I was hanging out with friends and around about 10pm I just didn’t want to hang out anymore and I wanted to go home and read. I would have pulled up some on my phone but it was dying, so I couldn’t do that either.
Anyway, I hope to get my life under control and back to how it was in high school where I was actually motivated to do well.
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Tagged anxiety, asd, Asperger, Asperger syndrome, asperger's, asperger's syndrome, Autism, Autism spectrum, autistic disorder, Castle, depression, emptiness, Mental Health, Nathan Fillion, obsessions, sadness, self sabotage, Stana Katic, work