I need some control

I went to my primary doctor last Monday and was put on Metformin and Spironolactone.  Metformin is for my PCOS and Spironolactone is for blood pressure and also will help with the symptoms of PCOS, like acne and unwanted body hair.  I read through some of the side effects of the two meds and found that one of them can make antidepressants less effective.  Lately, I have been feeling out of control again.  I haven’t been going to all of my appointments all the time and I’ve been missing things that I need to show up for.  I don’t know if this is a result of the antidepressants not working or I really am losing control of things in my life.  It just seems so hard to get out of bed these days.  I slept on and off from 9pm yesterday to 5pm today.  It is has become ridiculous.

I came to the conclusion yesterday morning that I have become a little addicted to social media.  I figured out that in the last two months I have tweeted 378 times.  Yesterday, I tweeted 11 times.  It really seems to be again, out of control.  I decided to prevent myself from accessing Facebook and Twitter as easily as I have, so I took the apps off my phone, set up stricter blocks on Chrome and logged out of both sites so I actually have to log in if I want to go on it.  So far, I haven’t been on either site since 11:30 am yesterday.  I still allow myself to go on Fanfiction.net because I really don’t want to limit myself there, but maybe someday I’ll start controlling that site too.  It’s hard to stop constantly checking those sites, but I find it nice that I haven’t been getting alerts on my phone about every message I receive.

I want to feel better about everything, but once something good happens to me, it feels like more bad things happen.

New Job

I’ve had two potential jobs in the midst.  One was an at-home editor for a market research firm.  I wanted that job because I knew my anxiety wouldn’t be bad because I’d be working from home.  While I was waiting for the next steps on that job though, I got a call from a temp agency saying they had a position for me working in a warehouse for a grocery delivery service.  I decided to check it out and did a job shadow for an hour the other day.  Afterwards I had to decide if I wanted the job, which I did.  My first day was yesterday night into this morning.  I work from 10PM to 4AM Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays.  I am actually quite happy with this job because I work in a cooler that is around 50 degrees.  I absolutely hate heat and think anything higher than 65 degrees is too hot.  I also don’t have to work with any customers which is probably the best thing.  I would get very anxious before work in the past because I couldn’t handle the thought of dealing with people for 8 hours.  I don’t feel this way with the warehouse job.

I made it through my first shift, but because I have been pretty much sedentary for a long time, I was in so much pain from standing for 6 hours.  My back hurt so bad and I had to sit down a few times in the last hour because I was shaking from the pain.  I hope to build up stamina soon enough though, it’ll just take a bit.

When I got home from work, I was so cold.  I only wore a long sleeved blouse and jeans to work and didn’t bring a sweater.  I learned the hard way that I probably shouldn’t have done that.  I could not get warm no matter what I did.  I only have one blanket and it is enough most days, but this morning I was shivering so much I had to search for something else.  I ended up finding a Snuggie in the family room that belonged to one of my parents.  It was exactly what I needed and I felt so much better.  Now that I don’t need it right now, it is sitting in my bed and since Willie absolutely loves fleece, she has been sleeping on it for awhile.